First is the Worst, Second is the Best

Ok, so my first Mother's Day wasn't "the worst", neither do I hope that my second was "the best" but this one was definitely better than last year's.  Don't get my wrong, last year it was amazing to acknowledge my first year being able to celebrate as a Momma but B was two months old and I think I was just coming out of the "what the heck is going on" phase of motherhood.  

Last year I felt like a mother, I'd birthed a child, took him to the doctor regularly and googled the heck out of everything to keep that boy alive (that's a bit dramatic).  But this year, I feel like a mom, a momma.  I've got my boy, I know him, I haven't googled anything in weeks.  

Usually I'm not really into these types of holidays, Valentines Day, even anniversaries, but I've decided that Mother's Day will be a perfect time to take an annual family photo.  Who's gonna say No to Mom on Mother's Day? I've also decided...if one day one of my children does NOT want to be in said photo, he/she doesn't have to be.  But at his wedding when he asks why he's not in the 2020 family pic I will be very. very. honest. 

2012

It would be really easy to breeze through Mother's Day and think its all about me. But honestly, I spent much of the day thinking about those that want to be momma's and can't, or haven't yet. Last year on Mother's Day two of my close friends were years into trying to get pregnant with no luck.  That is a road I wouldn't want my worst enemy to have to walk.  It was tough to know these women were "mothers" in their heart, but there were no babies here to show for it.  Both of them are mom's this year (!!) and the miracle and need to be thankful were not lost on me last week.

I got an email last week from a couple who are missionaries in East Asia.  The last email we got from them was an announcement of pregnancy.  I didn't have to open the email to know what "Sorrowful yet always rejoicing" as a title meant was waiting for me inside.  The email was an honest account of questioning and faith as they lost and buried their unborn child.  I will not take for granted how easy it was for us to have B. And I know there may be struggles ahead as we try for future children.  Each pregnancy, loss, and birth is a reminder that we are not in control.  No matter how hard we want to think we are.  

I hope on future Mother's Days I can be sensitive to the Mommas around me who have lost or never had their children.  And for now, I'll hug my little man that much tighter (I mean I can't get much tighter....) and keep in perspective how blessed we are to have this little life waking us up at 3:30 a.m. and needing to be picked up to watch EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I make toast...  

p.s. we haven't done this years photo shoot yet but I'll be sure to post a few this weekend.